Desperately.

I WANT THIS!!!!!! :D

Kitty-cat.

Cho kiuuttt wans... NOT.
(rasa macam nak pijak je)

P.S - This post is for my chino bitch and blondie whore. :3

Sleepless nights.

Boredom strikes.

I
I don’t
I don’t know
I don’t know what
I don’t know what to
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to
I don’t know what
I don’t know
I don’t
I

Wishful thinking.

I wish I could say something to take all your worries/pain away.
I wish I could hold you close and tell you everything will be okay.
I wish I could take everything back.
I wish I could say I didn’t hurt you.
I wish I could say you didn’t hurt me.
I wish I could say this never happened.
I wish I could make everything go away.
I wish I could say all the right things.
I wish that everything goes back to normal.

Think about it.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you have to let go.

If, let's say.

If I died tonight, how many people would care? How many people would know? How many people would moan and wish they had me back? How many people would regret being assholes? How many people would wish they loved me more? How many people would wish they loved me less?

I need a break.

Drugs.

New name for ketamine:
Regretamine.

How stupid.

I always see this guy I dated at the worst times ever -- like when I’m walking in the pouring-rain-soaked and he’s in his warm-dry-car. Or when I’m getting dinner with my parents and I see this couple going at it hardcore making out, yeahs, him and his new girlfriend. What are the odds. I wish he wouldn’t acknowledge me, that's the worst part.


Don’t wave at me please.

A gift.

I used to be goddamn excited when I see your name appear on the home screen of my cellphone like a little kid that finally got what she wanted.

Te Amo.

This is loooovee ♥

Stop judging.

I don’t get within the brains of some people.

Why do some people have insecurities on little things about wealth and status? I think it's all bullshit -- because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter where u came from, what you wear, what you eat, its the person you are.

So, my point is STOP JUDGING! Even if you think you are not.

Face the fact.

The people you love are just gonna end up
leaving you at the end of the day.

Moodswings.

I’ve been feeling a bit cranky. I don’t show it to a lot of people, but it affects people who are closest to me. When I get angry, I ignore the person. I hate getting angry because everyone else is to blame for it. It’s a bad habit but I can’t help it. I get angry at the most little things sometimes. I get annoyed easily. I hate the fact that everything around me annoys the shit out of me.

But when I’m in a good mood, I really am, it drives me insane.

Weirdo.

I like sad music,
It makes me happy.


:)

Relationshits.

How you ever wondered what goes through their minds where they can simply carry out such natural acts in our face -- basically shit on our bed and how at the end of the day they are the ones getting some sleep?

Why? No, not because we're culpable, it's because they put us through shit that keeps us contemplating on who the heck is liable in that particular matter, and such state they put us through such provocation and woe-emotionally.

Well, if you insist yourself as being little miss-goody-pants and the subject, as the asshole then your actions has merely opposed. Why? Because you essentially have to prove that you're right because you're wrong and you want others to be off the same mind so that they wouldn't point their fingers at you and say YOU are the bitch.

It's sad that when we're all busy living life,

you spend yours by talking about it.

Go die.

It’s not worth missing friends who doesn’t even know you exist anymore -- pointless, a waste of time.

Silly.

It's funny how people complain about other people when they themselves are doing the total exact thing without realizing it.

It's funny how I am actually one of those people. EEK! :p I'm still working on it -- step by step.

It's also funny how you can hear a person ranting about the same thing you're going through, but you, just listen, be a doll, not opening your mouth to complain. Because if you complain, they'll think you think you're the only one with problems.

You wanna know what's the funniest thing though?

The fact that I sound so emo.

Wait, no. now, that is SCARY! -.-

Brand new.

Well yeahs, I've come to realized that I've been living in a lie.
For reals yows. I thought I'd be so cool doing this and that what I'm currently doing, but heck, it's not what its called "cool". It's a waste of time and truck lotsa cash, really. I thank God that finally, I'm back on track -- thanks for giving me a 2nd chance. I'm ready to be the girl I used to be. Alhamdulillah. :') Alcohols and drugs are not my big thing anymore. And I cannot imagine if my parents found out about this. I'll be getting a very nice "bitch-slap", or maybe worse than that. Well, I deserve it.

I would like to say sorry to my family, especially my parents.

Oh and yeahs, thanks to 'em all:
Faiznur Atiqah, Nur Adila, Dian Nuriana, Razin Mohd.
Thanks for having my back all the way, I love you guys to death, I swear.

Lesbo attack.

Heys look, she's wearing leopardy. :D
It's Daisy Lowe, for reals yows. So adorable kans?

P.S - I can be a lesbian when I'm with her, I swear. *punch self*

Leopardy.

Animal print is back. I loike it! Especially leopardy, graaah. :3

CHO KIUUTT WANS! :3

Mi love.

I want to be running in his mind and to spark up his life.

I want to kill everyone who likes him. Back off, bitches!

I want to get numerous text messages and miss calls from him.

I want to have a deeper conversation and exchange Skype addresses with him.

I want to know him personally and to make him laugh.

Easier said than done.

Dealing with the pain and heartbreak is never easy.

More than anything.

This is for you, my closest blood. The one person I can tell my soul to, who can relate to me like no other, who I can laugh with to no extent, who I can cry to when times are tough, who can help me with the problems of my life. Never have you turned your back on me or told me I wasn’t good enough or let me down. I don’t think you know what that means to me. You have gone through so much pain and you still have time for me and I love you for listening even when you’re dying inside. And I look up to you because you’re strong, and caring, and beautiful, even though you don’t think you are. And I hope you know that I’m always here to listen to your never-ending-stories, laugh and cry and help in all the ways that I can, and I will try to be at least half the friend, the cousin you are to me. I hope you know I would not be the person I am today without you, girl.

P.S - Thanks for being the person who’s always believed in me, who’s always understood, who’s always accepted me, who’s always cared. I love you to bits -- forever and always.

All I need is.

Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who won't run away, someone to look me in the eyes and tell me it's okay that things don't always go right -- that this is how life works and how it will works. And that, it's not going to be easy. Today, tomorrow, the next day -- but it will somehow get better.

This is my promise.

Dear F,

You want me to act like we've never kissed, you want to forget and pretend we've never met before -- and I've tried and tried so hard, but I haven't yet. You walk by, and I fall to pieces. Just so you know, there's a space that only you can fill. Just so you know, I loved you then, I guess I always will.

Especially for you.

This song says it all.
You're nothing but a mistake.

Truth to be told.

I can't stop cursing. :)

BUT....


Vulgar words doesn't help me THAT much. EEK! -.-

Homosexual.

I think it is mean to judge people for who they love and prejudice to discriminate people who is gay. Yeah it is wrong, it's against our religion, it's a sin, but you people just fuck around nowadays, so whats the difference? Don't ever leave your friends for their orientation. It's not worth it.

Btw, I'm sorry for ever making fun of homosexuals, I think differently of them now. I do have two gay cousins and a gay bestfriend, lotsa gay friends -- they're fun to be with, really. At least they won't break my heart like you, boys. They're nothing like any of you. I love 'em all. ♥

I love gays.

Aww, so sweet okays. :')

Can I have them both? *drools*

I can imagine the disgust, the hatred, the confusion, the puzzled look on your face right now.

Afraid.

It's not my fault I'm afraid of commitment. Every time that I try to take one step ahead, there's always something, someone who pushes me one step back all over again, back to being afraid.

Happily ever after.

I'm stupid. I get jealous when I see people who are in love. HMPH! But I don't want that, now do I? Oh no, I never learn from my mistakes. I want that. I want the exact same thing. I want to have that feeling again -- the butterflies, that rush of happiness, the sparks, O-mi god it's hard to explain. But I know, at the very end -- the butterflies, the sparks. They die.

And maybe there's no such thing as fairytales, or happily ever after. But part of it exists. Even if it was just a 5 minutes thing, it happened. O-mi god, I'm crapping. Okays, bye.

Take a chill pill.

You know what, I've come to realized not all perfect couples are so perfect. I mean I've seen beautiful couples end up in harsh break ups, and well the not-so-perfect-couple-from-the-outside are still together, yes until now. So who said I'm in a rush? So just relax, sit back and chill. The day will come. :)

Help me.

I feel like giving up, break down and cry.

I miss everything, every thing in the early 2007. Everyone in my past is slowly changing, isn't this what I want? Starting a new life. I never knew starting a new life means losing everyone in my past. I miss Betinas alot, so fucking much. I used to be with 'em all everyday, 24/7. If only we could go back time, I miss seeing 'em all faces everyday. The laughs, the fights, the tears and etc -- I miss our sleepovers. I miss having us (Fiqa and Shela) skipping school together, I miss going anywhere and everywhere with them and just talk.


And finally, I did get what I want. Didn't I want this?

Honestly.

Truth to be told, I love Chindian guys -- for reals yows!

Lifeless girl.

You mocked me and you said I am "kampung" because you saw me in a kenari car around TTDI. And what's wrong with that? It's still a car. One thing is for sho, my family -- we're not anything near poor but they taught me how to respect others and money isn't everything in life. And people like you -- clearly needs to get a life, stop blaming on others because the other three fingers are pointing back at you, honey.

Finally, I found you.

Marry me, I'm single. :)

you're so fine -- oh so mine.

All time favorite.

I'm done watching Mohabbatein with my sister.
I cried like shit but still -- I enjoy the movie.

It was a very good movie, very beautiful.

It's hard to find love like this, seriously -- it's a one in a million cases.

He's the "sex god", OMFG.
OMG OMG OMG!
*drools*

The hunt for yours.

Sometimes I feel angry without there being a reason. I hate myself for feeling this way for acting the way I am now. I miss being me, instead of emotionally charging someone with my confusion and my goddamn pain. I wonder if I could change which I ain't able to be as one of you.

Sometimes I wish my heart wouldn't hurt so much from betrayal, from all the lies you've created and from all the threat. What did I do to deserve as such? Have I sinned not as much as all of you? Why am I the one chosen to be treated this way? I could not understand -- never.

Why can't I be happy? I don't want to be a Malay. I never grew up knowing to be one, seriously. I have an American spirit in me -- living how they taught me to be. Is it my wrong doing for such upbringing? Tell me straight. Please.

I should be angry, for its your fault. Why I can't live my life as I want it. I could not understand.
Isn't it mine?

Isn't it mine to shape and learn?

Isn't that what life is all about?

I wish I could meet you one day,
if you ain't a coward to tell me the truth.

Learn this.

Sometimes it is better for us to let the person we love the most go and if he/she returns, oh then we can say that she/he's the one for us. Well you know kans, we linger because its our choice, so too with letting go. We need to choose our path -- in this case to let go or to linger. Because, at the end of the day its "you" who make all the choices "you" have ever make.

Pain.

I hate this feeling -- its when you feel hungry, but you don't want any food you see and you can't figure out what food you want and you don't think it even exists, but then you realized that what you want is to see the person you're missing.

Carve your name.

I want someone to remember me for the rest of their lives. And to think about how great things were when we were together. And how everything just felt right. And like it was all in place exactly how it was supposed to be.

I want to put a beer in your hand, a smile on your face and give you a day to remember. I want one day to mean so much that it’s a day you’ll never forget. Well, not because we went somewhere amazing or did something incredible, just because we were there. And we laughed. And everything was perfect.

The sun was out, the music was good. Maybe we’ll snap a picture or two. And when you look at those pictures and see the happiness on our faces -- you’ll feel the exact same happiness that you felt that day. Ten, twenty, thirty, forty years from that day. You’ll remember me. You’ll remember that day. You’ll remember the beer and the smiles and the laughs and the sun and the music. And you’ll remember feeling infinite.

True happiness is the happiest when it’s found in something simple. Something or someone. Somewhere or somehow -- not because of something mind blowing, but because of something that happens everyday to millions upon millions of people. But for some reason, on that particular day, that was exactly what you needed. A free blanket, a home run, a car ride, a song, a book, a friend, a smile.

Life could be so much simpler than we make it, so much more enjoyable. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Don’t look for anything in particular in anyone or anything. Just find happiness without looking. It’s everywhere, everywhere you go and everywhere you want to be.

The sun, the sunglasses, the drive, the dress you wore, the song playing on the radio, the person in the driver’s seat, the cigarette in your hand -- everything can be epic if you want it to be. You just have to make it epic. You have to feel it. I don’t really know how you feel it or how you find it but I do know that whenever you do, everything is perfect. And even if it’s only perfect for a minute, it’s enough to last for the rest of your life. I want to be epic. I want to make you smile and make you laugh and I want you to remember me because of something simple and not something huge. I want to be real and I want to be infinite. :-)

This is bad, real bad.

I felt my heart crack a little bit.

Big love.

When you love somebody, they become a part of you and that’s why it hurts so much to let them go. When you love someone that doesn’t love you back, well it’s hard to find a way to keep yourself on track. It leaves your heart broken and hurts so much but that’s why it’s called a crush.

Confusion.

Would I be out of line, if I said that I care and I miss you?

Beat that.

You'll never know I like you cause you won't see it in my face. You'll never know I could never find another to take your place.

My biggest wish.

The guy I met last night -- the one who wears checked shirt for sho. He's the sex god! So yummy, I tell you. I wanna get laid hehe lol :) For reals yow, I so wanna meet him again!

White flag.

I hate being put in this position. I'm forcing myself to let go of the one person that I need in my life. I thought I met someone new cause he's the only thing that makes sense, but at the same time, the one thing that complicates me. I know that I'm better off without him, yet I feel empty whenever I try to let go but I guess that emptiness is better than constant hurt.

I hope you're happy with everything you do, well I bet you do. Them girls are the paths and choices you've made. Well, I'm just a tiny piece of nothing -- because to you, it's all just a game. Take a good care of yourself. Good day, Pumpkin.

Its what best.

One of these days, you'll realize how I was the one for you. And how you threw it all away. Well, when that day comes, I'll smile and tell you the same old thing you once told me -- that you're my friend. And that's all I want us to be. And maybe, if you're lucky, you'll open your eyes, and see how those words can never be comforting. And you'll never say them again.

Nice ain't it?
What goes around, comes around.
Karma's a bitch!

How ironic.

How come these tears come in the shower, in solitude? I said goodbye ages ago, I then realized it was only when you truly let go to that -- I knew hello was never coming from you again. Sometimes I wish I was a little girl again because bruised knees heal faster than broken hearts.

Responsibility.

Life wouldn’t be the same without you and all the memories you have giving me. How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I could have ever done. But, now I realize that its what he wanted and I would give anything for him to be happy.

Take care of my heart, I've left it with you.

Maybe, someday.

I wish I could let go of the things my heart keeps holding on to.
I just wanna get things over with.

Good old times.

I miss the days when goodbye meant I’ll see you tomorrow. Now when I hear goodbye, my heart stops, my eyes water and my knees get weak. I never realize how much things changed till I look back and everything is different.

Breakdown.

It hurts when you say bye. It hurts when you have to leave. It hurts when you’re gone. And I don’t think you understand just how much I’m gonna miss you.

Budak mengada.

The name is Syafiq Hasnan, but I call him pumpkin. Why is this blog specially for him? Because it's my blog and I want to, not only that, because he's a loser and he has this weird interest which is making me blush. I told you he's a loser. But who cares, he still means a lot. We've been texting and we've been sharing laughs and thoughts, hope to meet him up soon. Every morning, he'll be the first person to text me/I'll text, I have no idea why, I guess he's just addictive. Well, he knows the exact words to say when I'm feeling down and to make a girl feel so proud. That's his specialty, making me smile all through the day. We've known each other less then a month, but I can talk to him as if I've known him all my life. How great can he be? :)


ps: Well, I think you're so lame when you say you're cute to yourself. But at the same time, I can't help but wanna bite you and melt inside. *poke and runs away*

Life's a bitch.

Words from songs can make you smile, and sometimes can make you cry. Why? Because you seem to imagine of all the memories you've been through and think about the ups and downs of your life. To people out there, when someone is feeling so down and low because he/she is thinking about life and everything that she's going through, that is not called emo. I don't get why you would call it emo just because their letting out their emotions, ish, don't blame them because you don't have feelings. Do people call you crazy when you start smiling by yourself or maybe sitting in the corner and suddenly laughing all alone? Heys, that's just you enjoying that very moment or you're just loving life. Each and everyone has their ups and downs, don't lie to me and tell me your life is perfect, maybe it is for now, you'll see what comes next. You do good, you get back good. You do bad, you get back bad. In fact, sometimes worst. As they say, what goes around comes around.

Love songs attack.

I realized whenever I share this special song with someone, I intend to cry when I hear it again when that person is no longer that someone anymore.

Good bye, mister.

I can't stand the smell of your cologne and can't be around anyone with it on. I don't even like my favorite song because you would sing it to me on the phone. I'm wondering why I gave you my life when you don't even care about me, not anymore. Sadly, I don't even know who you are. I gave you my love in exchange for these scars. I don't wanna keep our mutual friends because I'm sick of tryna pretend that you're really good to me when you're just the opposite, actually. I don't wanna read the messages, I erase them all.


When you say that you love me, a lie.
When you say that you need me, a lie.
When you hold me tight, a lie.
When you squeeze me, a lie.

Insides out.

I used to think that finding someone you can click with, someone who made your stomach feel sick, your hands starting to shake and your whole body feel off balance was always going to mean something special. But these are things that just happen, they're not a result of something he's doing for you. He isn't making these things happen, they just happen. What i've come to realize is, what matters is -- how he makes you feel on purpose. The feelings he can cause in you that are every bit of his control. he is calling just to say he misses you, lying in bed next to you while you're reading your favorite 'romance fiction', turning off his favorite hardcore music when you're in the car with him just because you get a headache by listening to them, trying to crack a stupid joke to make you laugh or learning to accept that you like the one team in football he couldn't stand. These are the feelings that do not just fade away in time because he won't let them. if it's really something, he'll be able to make you feel those things no matter the circumstance.

My first priority.

First, I would like to say sorry to Mama for all the lies and all those times I ever cheat on you. I know I've been wrong and I know I've been bad. I know shouldn't have done all that and embarrassed you in such ways.

Second, to Abah for every fighting back everything you said. You may accuse me and say stuffs about me that made me just think that I don't belong in this family. I regret my mistakes and I realize what I did wrong. I am trying to change, so please don't push me too far. Don't say I'm not trying hard enough.

And lastly, to siblings I could always count on. You've been struggling to understand me and make sure I won't turn out like any of you. I know I'm the one to blame. Life has been hard, gimme some time. I'm trying my best.

You know how it's hard for me to cope with changes, so don't mind me if I get too ego or emo-shits. I miss going out anytime I want to, just laughing and crapping with people I wish to be with right now. Loved ones, I miss the most at this very moment. Day and night I think back of all the times I was half free from this chaotic situation. But I guess I'll just have to sacrifice all that.

Another dream wasted on you.

Ratatouille, somehow I still wish you would be here with me. Somehow I just wish I could be there for you while you're in pain. I still remember those times you were always there for me. Through thick and thin you would stay strong and patiently face me. No one has ever stayed this long and I want to keep counting. Don't leave, oh God, please let him stay. I didn't get the chance to say all this cause you left me with all sorts of anger. You left me nothing but a heartbreak. :-(

It's hard.

It sucks to be me, he's still in my head no matter how bad I try pushing him away. Seeing him with her, hurts more than being stabbed in the heart. But what can I do? I kept on trying harder and harder to move on, tried to be happy with another guy, but what the hell, it's always him on my mind. I can't do it, I admit I can't. I'm weak and I'm sorry.

Longing.

It's been a year plus I haven't felt being loved, cuddled, hugged and kissed by someone that can make me get butterflies in my stomach. It's been long enough I haven't got good morning texts and sweet goodnight wishes just before I go to sleep. It's been long since I last had someone care about me as much as he would care about his self. It's been long since I had a real hug, a sincere hug that is. It's been long since I've been in love, it's been long since I last day dream in class about only ONE person. Texting all day long, hours of phone calls, sharing and caring, loving and giving, loyal and trust. I miss all that, but at the same time, i hate taking the risk. If only there was someone who could make this feeling go away. Please, i mean please take my hand and let me have a love story of my own.

So yesterday.

I remember when I used to laugh and laugh all day long. Smile so wide like there's nothing wrong. Giggle at anything till my cheeks sore. But now all that is just no more. I can't have those feelings back. Everything seems out of track. When I fall I get back up, but now I prefer to stay on the ground. Everything I do seems so wrong to everyone. Now I just wish all this guilt would just be gone. They stop looking at my deeds, they just keep looking at my flaws. Nothing I do seems right, all I can say is that I don't want to start a fight. All I can do now is back off and drift away from the crowd. But inside I just want to scream so loud. I want go back the past, I don't want this feeling to last. No more tears and pain, I'm not going to be a sober again. I should get my ass back up and keep on fighting these thoughts. I should stop being someone I'm not. I don't want to stay down when these thoughts push me to the ground. I get back up on my feet and stop being so weak. I just want to go back the time where I can laugh all day long and get crack without caring about what they say. And I want back those people who were always there for me all through the way. But somehow I think I'd just have to wait. No matter how long it takes. I'll be here sitting and waiting till the time comes, when I'm ready I'll get back up and run. That's my promise to everyone that told me to be the old me, all I have to do is just get back up on my feet. I want back the good old days, that's not much to ask.

Screw it.

I literally can't do this anymore. I give up. All I feel like doing is to scream and cry, scream and cry. I want to start a new. I want to live. GODAYUM, I want to be happy. I want to feel loved for once in my miserable pathetic life. I want to have the ability to detect empty promises. I'm angry, I'm stress and I'm horribly disappoint. I want to crawl into a hole and die there.

Tonight.

I can't wait for tonight, really I am. Oh gonna watch Final Destination, again -- with my Embodas darlings. The guy in shawl is coming, rawrr! Hafta bring extra panties, HAHA, gonna get all basah tonight. *drools*

Stop it, Atilia.

I've never cried this hard before in my life, you made me do it. I acted strong in front of you, knowing if I cried it's just not worth it anymore. I'll miss catching you looking at me and smiling. I'll also sure miss how hard you'd make me laugh on and on. You're an adult now, time to face the real world. You need to spend time wisely and focus now. I'm just a girl you knew in the past. Trust me, I'm gonna find you someday and tell you everything but that day won't come soon. I hope I'll still have time to do all that cause I hate regretting. Maybe memories about you will wear off, but maybe it'll just stay there forever. I want it to stay. No matter how hard you made me cry, no matter how many pieces you made my heart broke into, I love you -- still. Maybe that's just for now, but who knows right? I really love being around you. You make me feel for once cared for and needed. You have a life to live and I have mine, let's just pause this story and start a new one. Maybe someday continue the old one.

Harder chaos.

It's been 1 year 2 months and 6 days since he left. GODAYUM, I thought I was gonna feel much better than this. People say I'll get used to it and stuff. Nothing's change, nothing's happen.

I don't want to get used to it, him not being around. Him not gonna be around like a paparazzi taking lots of photos. I miss that. I miss him always making me crack up like crazy. I'm having trouble breathing now, and I'm having trouble facing the fact that he's gone. He's never coming back. Maybe I'm just hoping too much from him, yeah I know but that's the only thing that keeps me going. I can't stop hoping, if I do what other thing can I depend on? I know there's no such thing as a happy ending but I know I'll try to get as close as I can. I'll wait for him. Even though it'll take me 5 years or even 10. I don't care. Maybe I'm going to change my mind in the middle of those years but God knows when. And even maybe I'll still love him, Maybe I'll love him even more. Let's just see how it goes.

July 14th.

I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order food. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve.

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody,
you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

January 25th 1992.

I miss always smelling your perfume on my clothes every time we go out, it's like the smell of sweet blueberries in the morning. You were always there but I guess it was just time to go. I still haven't forgave you for leaving me hanging. It still hurts.

Strange.

I still can't seem to recognize my own feelings.
Is it hate, love, or jealousy? It's all mixed up.

Sometimes it all happens at once especially when i'm with him, I hate that I love him and I'm jealous that he has someone that's falling for him deeper and deeper as days passes by.

Odd isn't it?

Headache.

My head feels like it's going to explode any second from now. O-mi god, it hurts like crazy. I've eaten the pills already but the pain just doesn't go away. Shiet mang!

Trust and promises.

You know what, I'm going to risk it.

I'm going to trust you and remember our promise. If I regret this one day, I'm going to blame nobody but me.

Even you know this friendship will go nowhere. But like you said, let fate decide our future.

Realization.

I've just realized I take a lot of photos of myself because...
imma self-obsessed bitch.

Read on.

No, I won't bitch about you in my blog, sadly. Beause I'm better than that. I don't use my blog as a place where I tell everyone how much I hate you. So long, low-class bitch.

Tired.

Why do I always fall for the wrong guys. I mean, every time I realize I'm falling for someone, in the middle of it, there's always a giant thick, really thick wall in the middle of us. I don't know, maybe my imaginations just a bit off. People used to tell me that all-the-time when I was younger.

Well for example, when I think I'm falling for someone suddenly bam, he has a girlfriend or bam, he's in love with a bitch who ruined my life. Mhm yeah, stuffs like that.

It's just bloody annoying and when I see my sister/brother, friends or my cousins happy with their soul-mates, it makes me think. I mean I want that, I want the exact same thing.

Cut the money, cut the looks. It's just me and him, us.
Just us, nothing else matters.

But every time I say something about it, one of them will eventually say "good things happen to those who wait" or
"wait for your turn. Mister right is just around the corner". Eek! like what the hell, how long do I have to wait and how long is this corner cause trust me, I can't even see his shadow from where I'm standing. *sighs. Maybe, I'm just jealous of them and they're so happy. No, not maybe, I am jealous of them. It's just, sometimes I want to end just one day with a smile on my face. No problems, no mistakes. Almost even perfect.

Space and time.

I'm sick and tired of people buzzing about my life. Don't be offended. To be honest, I live on an isolated hill where nothing happens. I'm turning legal 18 and when you live on an isolated hill where nothing happens, you tend to get bored.

I don't enjoy entertaining myself with television no matter how big it is. You can't cage me in the house forever. You can't cage me from doing regretful things.

To neighbors, especially the one living next to me who has nothing else to do but stalk whatever I do, get a life -- seriously. I don't need another pair of eyes watching me. I don't like you, I've never liked you. To me, you're nothing.

Get a life people, don't buzz into other people's lives.

Keep it real.

Truth be told...

Well, dig the truth --
I can't hide my feelings especially when the whole world can see.

Same old shit.

I'd be a liar if I told you that I didn't see it coming.
Be more of a lie if I said I didn't want it to be something.

It kills me.

Somebody accused me of the things I never thought of, would happened to myself and I didn't do, obviously? And it happens to be - A friend of mine.

No, I don't blame you girl, not even close.

It pains me to know that your family (a mother, a brother) keeps calling me and accused me this and that without even care to know what I'm feeling, what I'm going through. They never tend to listen to me, from my side. Is it fair? They could at least just listen. That's it. Why is it so hard for them to just listen. I don't understand, really I am. I thought they're mature enough to think what's right and what's wrong. But sadly, they act like an immature kid. Sorry for being rude but they've crossed my limit.

Just so you know girl, I've been through even worst than this. Well, it reminds me of Amir Syahmi's family - who happens to did the same thing to me, back in 2003.

You lost your special something. It hurts you real bad.
Girl, I know how it feels. I've beeen there.


But, tell me;
What does that have to do with me, hmm? :'(

End of road.

Do I remind you of the pain that she put you through? Is that the reason I’m to blame? Is it because she treated you badly and now you accused me. It’s killing me boy, knowing that you compare me to her. She left a scar across your heart. Yes, I understand boy. Don’t let her wrongs tear us apart. Because I'm not who's hurting you, boy. Just because she did, you swear I’m cheating and you think I just don't care. Boy, you know that ain't fair right. I'm just trying to show you something real. And yeah, for you to figure out what is going on.

But, I think you ain't gonna change your mind. Things didn't work out between us, should've known earlier. Sorry, I'm not good enough for you. If this was meant to be, then we'll see each other again and we'll be together in the end. We just need some time apart for now. I wish you everything great in this world. Thank you for everything. I hope we'll cross paths again, but for now best of luck to you.