Smell me.

I’ll always be wondering “how would our fart(s) looks like?”
I mean, if they’re solid kan not gases? Hahahahaha damn! -.-

Now I know.

When we were too young to remember those days.
When we groan and moan in pain for nothing to just skip a day.
When we ask for more when we already had plenty.
When we curse in silence and hate was mounting.
When we scream at them for not letting us go.
When we keep it to ourselves and make it stronger.
When we fight for defense and hurt the others.
When we lie that we said it is the truth.
When we didn't want to talk because of their attitudes.
When we love someone else stronger than loving them.
When we think they were wrong and we made it right
When finally we pack and decided to leave.

I'm exhausted.

Yusri is here already, I mean he's back! Weee, I fucking miss you mate. I really do. Ah now I know, you gave me such a big impact eh? Awww. ;) Shisha's Place, here I come tonight. Miss me? LOL.

Well yeah, I am going to Maison tonight. Hehe I'm being forced by my sister to attend Superfunk tonight. Damn. But the good news is, free flow from 10pm-11pm. Excited much? :D I'm so going!!!!! *winks* Haha bloody ass. I don't know what to wear, sheesh, since I am always with my theme. Get what I mean?

My Iidreen, see you tonight! I know you miss me like truck lots. Haha perasan much. You know I love you, xoxo. (That's so gossip girls, hahaha fuck me!)

You mean the world to me.

I love how you look down on me.
I love how you think you got me figure it out.
I love how you won't even give me the time of the day.
I love how you underestimate anything and everything that I represent.
I love how you speak to me as if I'm a 5 year old kid.

but most of all...

I love how I surprise you in more ways than one.
You won't even know what hit you.
I love how I exceed your expectations.
I love how I'm stronger, smarter and better than you,
And that's a fact.
I love how I prove you wrong every chance that I get.
and I do it with style.
I love how I'm the total opposite of you.
Thank God for that.

Fast forward.

who would have thought our goodbye could possibly be "our last goodbye". There are still so many things I want to say but couldn't find the word. Kill me?

I like girls.

It's okay for girls to have crushes on other girls. It's cute. :-) Mhmm, sexy even. Well, I have mine. A top 5 list. Hihi not on paper, that's just scary.

Walk away.

Deep in me, I rather see myself getting hurt rather than hurting him,

I'm really sorry it doesn't work out between us.

Fears.

I used to be scared that one day I'll be alone and lonely but well, I guess I was wrong. I'm doing fine right now by my own. I really am. And, I think it is time for me to put my past behind and move forward.

And hmm, yes, He deserves better than me.

Bloody hell.

It is my ex-boyfriend's birthday today and I did wish him of course. After so long, today was the day I texted him and he did replied. It was awkward of course. I thought I'll be fine but why am I crying?

=(

Here we go again.

It's been awhile since I last posted a blog. Well, I guess I've been busy with college and I forgot to do so. I'm on semester break, weeee! :D ah, 3 bloody weeks is not enough for me. I really need a break. I mean they could at least gave us 2 months? Hahaha ok no, kidding. :)

Dreams.

Dreams and daydreams. I love them. Although, I have to admit that some of them can be pretty weird and scary but at the end of the day those dreams will be the only thing that makes me happy. Seriously, no kidding. *punch self*

I run to them when I'm upset. I guess I've been running to them a lot more often than I usually do these days. I am always upset. I am always crying . I am always miserable and depressed. What's wrong with me? I'm not usually like this. I never let myself cry. I'm just not myself lately.

Few hours back, I felt lost. I felt like a stranger to myself. I felt like the whole world was suddenly against me. As the days past by, I'm slowing losing myself and my inspiration. I've lost interest and passion in almost everything I once loved and knew.

Keep thinking.

Sometimes, i miss everything about you and our lame-ass-routine. But the question is, do you miss it too?

My Ratatouille.

Look at what you've done to me.
For someone who has felt so strong,
It's amazing how I'm completely gone.

Skinny bitch.

I'll walk you down in the dark alley and take your glasses off with my right hand since you cannot see things clearly without your bloody spectacle. I'll smash your face and break your kneecaps and then, stand there laughing while you fade away.


I want you dead.

Counting days.

Two papers to go!!!!!! =) Wooohoo. Hjyeaaah. Can't wait for my last paper is on July 20th. *winks* Be jealous, My Dian and My Razin, haha since you guys habis lambat. :p I am so mean, I know. Hehe I love you both, no matter what. <3

It's a sad thing.

This little Freddy is dead. He used to be my enemy when we have our sleepover(s) at Dian's. I have issues with cats, haha, who gives the fuck? But, I have to admit that he's cute, like really really cute and small. Very hyper, I tell you. He loves to kacau other cats especially Putih, the emboda's. Hahaha, no offence. Dian told me that cat is gay. :p But yeah, back to the story. This little Freddy means a lot to Dian, when I say a lot means A LOT. They share everything together, seriously no kidding. Even though Freddy is so annoying at times but he's cat, how in the hell he knows it right? Hmmm, what to do. What's done is done. We can't do anything to bring this cat back. Just pray for the best. It's not your fault for not taking care of him, don't ever blame yourself alright pumpkin?

Dian Nuriana, don't be sad and all frown yeah? You have my back. We're always here for you, no worries. If you feel like crying, just let it all out, let it go sayang. One day, you'll get used to it. Be strong. I love you. Take care because I care, xx

Rest In Peace, Freddy ♥
We love you sweetie, we do.

Can't help.

Frezailah Atilia misses Yazif♥ like only God knows. :(

In control.

I've lost my balance but God know I tried.

Shit happens.

Everything's changed, ah things changed. What can I say? I'm a sucker for them. *tears*

I miss my-nerdy-brace-face, when are you coming back from Singapore? It sucks here, you know. I want to fly with you there, working with you, taking care of you, having lots of fun with you and your boys, and oh yes My Iidreen aswell. I don't mind if it's a boring job but as long as I am with you - together, always. I'd do anything to be with you again. Anything, you name it. If only you knew how hard this is for me, smooth darling. With you by my side I feel safe and loved, I really do. I feel secure. I don't care about anyone else. You've changed me into something good. You barely know me but you accept me just the way I am. With you, I feel everything's fine and nothing can ever tear us apart. No one dares.

And to Naz: Just so you know, Iidreen missed you like mad. It's been a while since she had this kind of feelings. I swear.

Iidreen says:
because they are man. they treat us differently from other person we met before

Exhausted.

Things aren't easy anymore these days. Sheesh! Currently, am having my finals. I should really be studying now. *punch self*

First paper: Principles of Journalism.
Second paper: Malaysian Studies.

WOOHOO, Three papers left and yes, am so done with finals. :-)

Bummed.

I just want to feel a real love, why is it so hard?

Presence.

I never thought I'd be in love like this.

I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did.

Soul meets body.

My favourite Singaporean guys. ♥
Sorry girls, they're absolutely taken. Hands off!

Finally, I met someone new.
Alhamdulillah syukur.

My brace face.

I want to meet him. I want to have a deeper conversation with him. I want to make him laugh. I want to know him personally. I want to exchange Skype addresses with him. I want him to remember me. I want to be running on his mind. I want a "bear hug" from him. I want to walk in Orchard Road with him. I want to get miss calls from him. I want to get emails from him. I want to have a date with him. I want him to give me a piggy back ride. I want him to be excited with the things I've (will) accomplished. I want to ride a cable car with him. I want to spark up his life. I want to follow him to work in Singapore. I want to kill everyone who likes him. I want him to visit me in Kuala Lumpur. I want to have a vacation with him and this two lovebirds, Iidreen and Naz. I want him to read this blog. I want him to follow me on Blogspot. I want him to realize that he is my soulmate. I want an album dedicated to me. I want him to make all of this happen.

Oh, my nerdy brace face. I hate you for existing. :(

Missing you.

I wish I can turn back time. Someone catches my eye. He really does. Now, he's back to Singapore. That's so far away from my place. I hate the fact that we have to be separated this far. :'(

Refreshed.

"Sorry, am not interested with a boy/guy."
Get what I mean, bitches and bastards?

I'm sorry.

Maaf, engkau tidak pantas untuk aku (!)

Still the same.

We both know that I'm not that strong.
It is easier said than done.

For heaven's sake, I'll never forget this:
(It is still with me, I swear)

- Ratatouille gift on my birthday.
- both sweaters in Grey.
- MTV shirt in Brown/Turquoise.
- cowboy bracelet.
- our special necklace on Anniversary.
- the cellphone you gave to me, the old Nokia.
- a sketch book of mine, it's where we write things
we want to say just because we've broke up and
didn't have the guts to say it right to the face.
- the last piece of Ferrero Roche you gave it to me on
my 17th birthday, I still have it. two of it I ate it already
but I still have the wrappers safe with me.

Reminiscing.

It has been 11 months 9 days since you've left me.
What's left of me is what you've made of me.

You've left footprints in my heart. it's hard to erase. I couldn't find the cure. if only you knew how hard to still standing alone and pretend that everything's fine and fake a smile in front of my friends. I thought you're different from others. but I've definitely made a wrong conclusion. you're just the same, a little bit here and there. you showed me the real you, beginning the year of 2008. everything's changed.

The picture of you and me hung on the wall in Kampung Baru, it's still there. Looking at me everyday as if trying to give me false hope, just so that I'd think nothing has happened and you'd text me at night.

I don't go pass by the station anymore because that's the place we used to hang, having a silly fight, we kissed, we teased each other and etc. I don't go to Mc Donalds in Masjid Jamek because that's where we eat our lunch all the time. I don't go to A&W in Petaling Jaya, it's where we had our hot dogs and floats with Dique and Taufiq. I don't go a place called Shamelin Perkasa, it's where we first date, after 3 months of been separated. I don't go to Rupee Club, Bar Blonde and Modjo anymore, that's where we go clubbing with your friends. I don't go to the stall along the road at Kampung Baru, near the station because that's where we eat laksa, "kuey teow goreng tengah-tengah" and ais kepal all the time. I didn't order Maggie Sup anymore because it reminds me of you, who helps me to kacau-ing the food or else I won't eat it. I don't smoke Marlboro Light because it reminds me of you. I don't listen to It's Not Over by Chris Daughtry because that is the song you sang to persuaded me back of be with you again on September 2007.

Just so that I would forget. But the problem is, I can't forget.

Troublemaker.

sorry for all my wrong-doings.
sorry for not being a good daughter.
sorry I caused so much trouble.
sorry for being "black sheep" in the family.
sorry I never showers you guys with good result.
sorry I'm such a bad luck.
sorry for the things I've done.
sorry for what I've said.
sorry for all these days I kept those deep secrets.
sorry it's not my intention to do that.

Sorry, I'm not good enough.

Obsessed.

Honestly speaking, I'm addicted to Quizzes.

Screw you, F a c e b o o k.

Excuse me.

Sorry am not as cool as you, Bro (!)

Mind-fucked.

Wonder why I have so many haters?
because am cool and you’re jealous.

Reality check.

I don’t need a guy to be happy, I will be perfectly fine without you. well at least, I think so.

Alter ego.

My Charming Eagle-eyed Racer, with you I don't give a shit about my ego. I don't care if people make fun of me. I don't care if I seem really desperate. I just don't want to lose you and I won't let my ego get in the way. *puppy eyes*

:'(

Truth to be told.

I am secretly falling for this someone.

the one who thinks I am just the same with or without make-up. he knows a lot about me; in and out that even my sister doesn’t know. this guy is definitely one to be kept for sure. he is fluffy in the heart and a shoulder to cry on. this dude is a great person whom is always there for me in his special ways.

He, who makes me smile and never realized it.

The first guy who's really into Akon. no kidding. and like he said, Enrique Iglesias could turn him into gay. *drools*

Kill me, anyone?

I think I am desperately falling for him, AGAIN.

Goddamnit!!!!! :(

Endlessly.

Dian Nuriana & Muhammad Razin

My favourite girl and boy. No one can ever replace them.

We talk, we laugh, we cry, we share stories and deep secrets, we mock and tease each other like nobody's business.

I love both of you ♥

Lessons learnt.

Lelaki datang dengan memberi seribu harapan,
Lelaki pergi dengan meninggalkan sejuta kedukaan.

Mission.

I don't want a fling,

I want the real deal.

( If only it is that easy kan. )

New chapter.

Totally moved on from the last fucked up relationship. :)
mhmm yeah, that fucked up 1 year relationship. it's all load of bullshits *no offence. but hey, what's done is done. i'm alright now and beginning new chapters in my life. i don't give two fucks well if you people, talk shits about me cause i have a life to worry about mhmm rather than crying or fighting over a shit you came up with. i have better things to do rather than thinking about your problems.

Refreshed.

Now that it's over and done, you can't hurt me oh you can't bring me down. I sadly realized now, oh boy I don't even know what I liked about you. You're different now. But it's okay, I thank God that now I have the strength to let everything go, slowly. You want it to be this way, then yeah, hear me saying this: "AS YOU WISH BABY" :)

Perfect stranger.

we were both fourteen years old tau that time, and we became friends after getting to know each other. it was like sort of le, one of those, "love at first sight" *ececeh. kind of things for both of us, and we soon began hanging out a lot lah together, studying for mid year and tests. then, grabbing a bite to eat, catching a movie with friends, i mean other friends pun ikut.

we discovered we had so much in common, itu ini semua agak a lebih kurang sama je semua tau -.-, and i was convinced this guy was "the guy". he was everything, yes EVERYTHING, i wanted in a boyfriend. hah!

things felt so riigghhtt. that i thought my feelings were mutual. while nothing had happened to indicate we were more than friends. what a pity :/ i felt very clearly that's where we were going, so when i confessed to him how i felt one rainy day. it was rainy day tau that evening, he didn't even respond the way i'd hoped, and there, hmm, i was really really crushed.

i was really disappointed, and i felt hopeless, so cam pergi habis credit call my best friend ni tau. then then, my best friend explained that he did like me, it's just that, he had just gotten out of a relationship and he didn't want to go there again. well in the same time, he told me that he still liked me a lot and wanted to continue spending time together. well hmm, i couldn't do it. i knew i'd never be able to just, "hang out" as friends, oh just friends, knowing that i felt something more yeah more than he did for me. (can you guys imagine it?)

I still remember a crush of mine who broke my heart.

Tell me why.

Monday reminds me of your mesmerizing eyes.
Tuesday reminds me of your charming smile.
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and the rest of the week,
reminds me of you leaving me without knowing that,
you are my life.

July 14th.

I’m going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything’s perfect, act like it's just a dream and worst night i've ever had, and pretend he’s not hurting me.

Words to live on.

Forget the times he walked by, forget the times he made you cry, forget the times he spoke your name, remember your feelings aren’t the same, forget the times he held your hand, forget the sweet things if you can, forget those times and don’t pretend, remember now he’s only a friend.

*Thanks to Kakak.
love you,
xx

Come and go.

You waved your hand high and said "goodbye".
I kept my hand low and said "don't go".

I know the day has gone,
Our time has come and go.

Give me.

I want more laughing gas. (laughs idiotically)

Enough said.

I need a break from all this shits/lies.

I shall stop watching romantic movies. (& doubt will happen)

Ala umm oh ye ni ha, love-shitty-songs-arse pun. (yang sedih mahupun tidak LOL)

Bastards.

Boys are unpredictable and always associated with the word complicated, no?

Here I go again.

Truth be told, i miss someone, really bad. i miss getting those late-night numerous text messages. i miss getting ridiculed by him. i don't care when people said he wasn't good-looking compared to my exes or that he was a bit too old for me. who said i was looking for someone with good-looks and an empty heart? and, age is just a number lah.

my racer/my eagle-eye,
you're so fine oh so mine. *tears*